My problem with laptop computers

I am the office oddball who doesn’t like laptops.

Recently, I had to borrow a co-worker’s laptop for an off-site assignment. When our host there offered me a mouse, I was happy to use it instead of the mouse substitute on the laptop. I have been ridiculed ever since.

It isn’t just the annoying mouse substitute that bothers me. I have other issues with laptops. For example, I like a larger screen. I know, if you get a larger laptop, you get a larger screen. But even a larger screen forces your eyes to look downward at it. With a desktop, I can view the screen closer to eye level. At my work desk, the monitor sits on an elevated shelf above the rest of the desk. To me, that’s an ideal location for a screen.

I’m not a big fan of laptop keyboards either. They just don’t have the same feel to me as a desktop keyboard. I know: Picky, picky. It’s uncomfortable to type at desk-level, which is why I like keyboard trays. I believe in keyboard ergonomics. I’d like to be able to use the keyboard below desk level without hunching down to see the screen.

I appreciate the portability of a laptop. I really do. I just don’t feel that I should have to sacrifice a mouse, keyboard and screen I like to get that portability.

So what would my ideal laptop be like? It would come in several parts that fit together for storage and in transit. The monitor would be separate from the rest of the laptop. It would be a thin, light screen that would hover in the air at any height I wanted. It would also expand and contract according to how much space I had. If I were on a crowded bus seat or in a small area at a coffee shop, I could make the screen small. If I were sprawled on the couch at home, I could use the screen at maximum size. It would also adjust automatically to changing light conditions and eliminate glare.

The keyboard would have the same feel as a desktop keyboard, but lighter. It would also be adjustable to the size I wanted, just like the screen.Instead of a typical desktop mouse, my ideal laptop mouse would be a flat screen that reacted to my finger scrolling over it. No buttons, just completely controlled by touch, like the iPad.

I’m not completely anti-laptop. I’m just waiting for one with all the right features.